So many ways to raise a child …
Ten months of carrying a life inside you, and the moment it is born, that life begins growing as someone separate from you — and your own growth as a parent begins too. What we usually call raising a child starts right there.
And then the question is whether to raise themthe way you yourself were raised,or the way youwished you had been raised?
Which is it, for you?
As I wrote in the last post, I grew up under my mother constantly telling me “just be normal!” and “why can’t you even do this?”
Even so, there was exactly one thing my mother praised me for. It was
how I raised my own children.
I married at 21 and had a child at 24. Using my mother as the example of what not to do, I raised my children by accepting and recognising them completely.
“Pancakes don’t have to be round!” “You don’t have to be the same as everyone else!”
During his rebellious phase, the police got involved once. Even when I could see he was lost in his own life, I kept telling him: “you’ll be fine. I’m on your side.”
When my son told his high-school careers teacher he wanted to go to a foreign-language university, and the teacher told him “that’s not a university for someone like you”, “you can’t do it” — I kept telling him: “you’ll absolutely get in. There’s nothing here to give up on. You’re the smartest person in the world.”
The road of a child raised on nothing but being recognised
In the end my son went not to university but to a specialist language college, and when I heard his reason for that decision, it startled me.
“I’ll go to the college and use it to make up the two years everyone else spends messing around in their first two years of a four-year degree — then I’ll sit the transfer exam in year three and get into university no matter what.”
True to his word, once he started at the college he studied ferociously — his TOEIC score, under 200 when he enrolled, reached 980 by graduation. The result of taking that test over and over, for two years straight.
He transferred into university on a scholarship, and graduated top of his class with an award to show for it.
Beats any inspirational story you’ve heard!!
Recognising someone, and believing in them completely
All I ever wanted from my mother was exactly that.
Never given it for 48 years, I took on all sorts of challenges instead by recognising and believing in myself.
And now, with everyone who recognises, believes in and backs the real me, I am taking on the Peking to Paris classic car rally — a first for a Japanese woman.
Because of the miracle my son showed me — beating any inspirational story out there, by my own measure (laughs) — I find the strength to keep going myself.
If my mother had not been quite so full of denial, I might never have used her as my example of what not to do, and his miracle might never have happened either.
Whatever feels like a headwind can turn into a tailwind one day — this challenge has taught me that.
I hope this experience of mine is of use to somebody, and the challenge goes on.
More support is always welcome!!!
Let’s drive Peking to Paris together!
Thank you for reading to the end.